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zimpiy check

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zimpiy check

Post by Zimpyg on Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:56 pm

CHARACTER


Name: Zimpiy (zim piy) unknown


Age: 19


Gender: Male


Species: Human


Call Sign/Symbol: N/A

Occupation(s)/Student Year (If a student): First Year student


Appearance:
Face Claim:

Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach


History: One of the elite members of the group, also very violent towards Ko\Shi. does not share a lot of his past(manly because he suffers from what Ko and Shi have). one of the first members and violent ones too, but he learns very fast(throe dietitian's that he makes). one of four members too a band. he remembers attacking someone then blacking out with everyone elates( that's when everyone started to lose there members). he’s old village was killed off,(by thieves) and Ko(after Ko's parents where killed in front of him) stood up and started fighting back. then a man( the elder of the assassins group) showed up and finished the job. that man trained Ko and Zimpiy to fight and kill at will(because he wanted kids and they where orphans). They lived in the mountains then they meet two others(with a good amount of skill). Then they found a little girl training by her self in a cave( they adopted her and trained her). They all took the same job and fought a man (their target) that did something to them. After the fight Zimpiy was separated from everyone else. Then he learned of Ko's presence in vale. the others are a pair of twins(fraie and maye)(fraie's weapons is dull wilding pistols(automatic) (maye has a sniper rifle) and two ex-assassins (they're also twins Sara and diamond)(Sara has a sword that turn's into a wipe)( diamond cares two swords a scythe and two daggers, but lately they have been having weird things happen.


Personality: Nice but Violent. he usually is shy but always wants to kill Ko. he's always gung ho but always thinks two steps ahead. he's usually friendly to people tell they piss him off then you end up like ko and one last thing he's will vary spasnastick, sensitive and dangerous.

Strengths: fast,hyper,liar,energy consumer (sucks in a lot of energy)


Weaknesses: cocky(in most fighting situations),protective,pure hungry


Semblance: unknown


WEAPON


Name: Sara,diamond


First Form: daggers that have spikes coming out of the handle


Second Form: two swords (allows him to move as fast as a bullet if both are swung togather)


Third Form: sends off a magnetic pols that  summons (all of the weapons on him and around him) a mass amount off weapons that forms wings behind him, guides them with his hands or with he's eyes and it can act as a shield.


History: mostly people only see the first form, mainly because the other two everyone dies from.


Last edited by Zimpyg on Thu Apr 30, 2015 6:42 pm; edited 7 times in total (Reason for editing : Reaper: Fixed Spelling and Capitialization)

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Re: zimpiy check

Post by Drae on Sun Apr 26, 2015 3:58 pm

You state in the second form that they turn into two swords with some sort of special ability. ELABORATE. What do the swords do? Also: We need a full description of the 3rd form. Just saying it has something to do with wings doesn't give us anything to go off of. While I went through and fixed some mistakes there were certain things that I didn't understand at all, and due to the lack of context wasn't able to correct/fix.

On another note: This is just a pet peeve of mine, but the history sounds very choppy and disjointed. It doesn't flow very well and seems to be all over the place with the character's true history. Try to keep things chronological, yet still be descriptive as well. What did the twins look like? What were their names? What weapons did they wield? Even if it alludes/reveals a future character, it should still be in there as it allows us as staff to get a better idea of who the character is without needing to refer to the personality every 2 posts.

On the note of Personality, while it seems fine right now I do believe that it needs some more description. While this isn't necessary for him to be approved I would like to see him be a little more fleshed out, as the more descriptive the profile; the better the character.

That should be all from me. For now I'll leave with a simple:

PENDING APPROVAL
---Requires a bit more detail in the areas of Weaponry and History. Requires some housecleaning in the area of History.
Some optional adjustments may be made to Personality.

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Re: zimpiy check

Post by Drae on Mon Apr 27, 2015 8:15 pm

Revisit

Seems fine to me now. Pending further approval by other staff.

Approved: 1 of 2

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Re: zimpiy check

Post by Paige weaver on Tue Apr 28, 2015 10:55 am

please explain how the weapon transforms into the 3rd form and how it works you say wings so can you fly with it and if you can how?
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Re: zimpiy check

Post by Paige weaver on Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:48 pm

yea i dont think he can fly with that.
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